into the ocean,

end it all.

i want to end things. i want to end all my doubt and i want to end all my worry and i want to end all everything. i want to put a end to all my troubles.

when i look around at my family of friends, i can't help but wonder. what makes them tick? do they feel how i feel? how do they see the world around them? do they see like i do? do they keep things hidden like i do?

i have let different pieces of the puzzle i would call myself in the hands of different people. i am scared. i am terrified. i am scared that the hands are going to rip me apart. i fear rejection. so much to the point where i won't even ask the question. i am so scared that i am giving up, unwillingly. if i am so scared to live, then what?

i wonder what Journee Soleli dreams about? i wonder what i dream about?

i love when i come to the realization and the lightbulb of my brain goes off. today it was that maybe my love was different. i think it was for a different person. but you can't stop change, or can yu. today i felt for the first time that if i let go, and i just fell. i felt like i would be okay.

now if yu'll excuse me, i'm off to watch some shark week.