"you mean our child"

i always loose my train of thought. but i can tell you that i've fallen in love with beauty, and hope, and happiness, and other things all over again. i am not sure what brought it on, but its here. and its refreshing. only, i can't help but feel a little bit, teensy bit, out of my element. i like to pretend. today, its all i did. i saw a zombie in one of my classes. i'm not joking. i think i've started up writing again. i'm not sure yet, but i have been thinking like i used too. i'm proving myself, i can be happy without you. so far, i've only come up with like two days. i am getting wierder. the weather is getting wierder. my attitude is wierder. i am finding it difficult to speak out loud again. i don't know why, just got no desire to do it. i think the reason i've cheered up (if you want to call it that), is because i told myself i was to quit doubting. so far, i'm doing a pretty good job of sticking to that (believe it or not). oh oh oh, i know what i want to make everyone for christmas! homemade, thats my theme this year. i hope i can stick to this. because personally i think it would rock. is it sad i'm already thinking about christmas, and it hasn't even been thanksgiving? the answer: yes. i really don't mean for this to be so ridiculously long, but its been a while. keep your head up, you will pull through this. i promise, i know you will. i know you can do it. i love when music gives me chills. i said this to someone recently, they laughed. i think tattoos are beautiful. and art is beautiful. and people are beautiful. and again, i'm in love with love and with the world.