why?

everyday i have to wake up and not speak and shuffle through halls with people i don't like, everyday i die a little. which is such a horrid thing to say, but a true thing to say. in the sense of giving up, i'm on great terms with it. i can actually feel myself letting go. i'm not trying harder, in fact i'm not trying at all. its alot less tiresome to simply, not try. the rope is slipping out of my hand. i can't figure out what my problem is. and as i'm sitting here thinking about up and just quitting, i'm looking through postsecret, and so i'm sitting here moping and i see a postcard that says "don't give up.". sign!? definitely. that has to be a sign. that was my sign. and now i feel obligated to be the strong one, and i have to know everything will work itself out. because hardly anything anyone says is getting me by anymore. yesterday i was thinking, i'm honestly jealous of how some people's lives just seem to work out of them, how some people seem to get everything. you wouldn't last one day as me, you wouldn't last two seconds as me. try my shoes on. you won't fill them as good as i do. and here i go back into the depths of this letting go nonsense. boy, we're quite the package deal. much much too hot too handle. damn paper shredders! causing a ruckus