selfish, shellfish. (excuse the language).

does anyone really know where they are 'going'? because i can't say that i do. i don't want what i've got and i need what i don't have. i need my best friend back. although i am happy for her, i just need her, more than she realises i think. peanut butter and jelly, we were. you said so yourself. but i guess now that we're growing up and all things are changing and i think i can respect that now. i need kelsquared, its just not the same without seeing that girl everyday. no more wierd kids, and making signs, and making fun of my art work. we had the most interesting conversations. and i know we weren't like 'omg, tell eachother everything' --but i mean, we were still good friends. i need no homo. i need 'i want to give you the world', you say. you tell me the most amazing things. things that i don't even know what to say back to. i need next year, i absolutely need it to get here as fast as it possibly can; there are things i need to happen, things i need to see, things i need to laugh at, laugh with, and things i need to check up on. because as of right now, i've just set my own fucking death trap. my attitude has just gotten worse, and worse towards eveything. i'm lying to everyone. mainly myself. i don't know how long i can keep doing this. i hate opening up to people. like, don't grill me about myself and my life. i'll tell you what i want you to know. don't question the things i do or the answers i give. or i'll push you so far away. i don't mean to, thats just how i am. i've done it once, and it took alot of effort on my part and understanding on theirs. alright, i've come a long fucking way.