i am sleepy. and as a result of that i am restless. i want to reconnect with someone. two someones.
i miss my Jw. i haven't seen her in what seems like years. a million years.
i really need to call Eli. but i don't think i have the courage right now and i don't even know why. i miss him a lot.
the high of the first moments of going back to school with all my friends has already worn off, i held onto it longer than usual. a week & a half -thats a new record. i am falling back into my same routine from last year, and the year before that, and again. i absolutely hate it. i can think of so many better ways to spend my time.


i don't know. let this be a little secret no one needs to know we're feeling higher and higher and higher.
something happened that day, i was with you. and we were just being. nothing too special. but something happened. and i got the worst case of good butterflies. and i swore on my life i would remember and hold onto that feeling, but i would never get used to it. i wanted to collect all those butterflies and hold them in a jar. and that is exactly what i did. i caged them up, along with my memories to hold on too. and everytime i was lonely or i was needy or i was sad or scared, i allowed myself to open the jar and let them out but only for a moment. but soon enough the butterflies were not content with being locked inside of their little jar anymore. they were fighting to get out. and they were desperate. i couldn't take them anymore. so i stomped them out. i tried the best i could to let everything that i had go. i destroyed the butterflies the best that i could at the time. but in doing so, i got careless. and not long after i rid myself i them only did i notice i had missed some. so, sometimes i visit that sunshine day, looking into your beautiful face. and swimming in your eyes. and i still feel a little twinge of a butterfly wing. something to remind me.

right now i should be on a swing. or texting Bffoy about getting together tonight. i want a taco. i want so many things in my life right now. i know i will never have all of them at one moment.


that girl there, she's still chasing the moon.